


Toppling the Wall of Jericho

by Ranma-sensei (Ranmasensei)



Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, I mustn't run away!, Mental Breakdown, Referenced Mind Rape, Teenage Nudity
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-02
Updated: 2017-01-02
Packaged: 2018-09-14 06:01:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,114
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9165262
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ranmasensei/pseuds/Ranma-sensei
Summary: Hesitating for just one second can mean the difference between hurting someone, and comforting them. And sometimes, hesitation is the very cause for somebody being comforted in the end.





	

I let a relieved sigh escape my lips as I reach the gangway where Asuka sits. She seems alright.

I open my mouth to say so when I hear her mumbling, and I snap it shut again.

"...won't help me...."

What is she mumbling about?

"He wouldn't hold me."

I-Is she?

"He wouldn't even kiss me back."

A-Asuka!?

"Stupid Shinji."

She... wants me to hold her?

"...What a coward."

My jaw clenches; I'm not stupid. How should _I_ know she wants me to hug her? And the hell can I kiss her back when I’m fighting to even breathe!?

I step forward until I'm directly behind the barrier tape, ready to say something.

"Why won't he...?" I can't make out the rest as she sniffles.

Is she crying?

I ball my right hand into a fist. Now’s not the time to be laying into her!

I gulp. This is it; I mustn't run away.

"A-Asuka," I begin tentatively. "Are you alright?"

She lifts her head from her knees and snorts derisively. "Do I look alright, genius?"

"N-no, I--"

"Go away, Shinji." She drops her chin back onto her kneecaps. "Why are you even here?"

I swallow. Here goes: "I-I wanted to see you."

She... She laughs at me!? What is wro--

...was that just a sob?

She's standing up and turns around.

No tear stains; that's odd.

"To what?" she spits. "To look at the poor broken girl who's had her mind flayed?" She throws her arms out to the sides. "Come one, come all; free viewing today!"

I'm sure my eyes are wide, but I stay my ground.

I mustn't run away!

Hardening my resolve, I step over the tape.

She snarls at me, but I stand there, resolute.

"I wanted to help you."

Her eyes narrow. "Then do _nothing_. You're good at that, aren't you!?"

That... hurt, but I guess it's true. But not today. I am shaking in fright but I can't back down now. She needs me.

"What are you still standing there for!?" she sneers. "Run away like you always do!" With that she shoves at me with her right hand.

I catch it at the wrist.

"What ar--" Her indignant question is cut short when I pull. She stumbles forward and I close my arms around her, embracing her.

Immediately she starts flailing and cursing at me. "What are you doing!?

"Let me go, you asshole!" She kicks my shin and I wince, but I don't let go.

" _Don't touch me!!_ " She starts beating her fists on my chest, but I don't let go.

"Leave me! Do like you always do!" Her blows become weaker, I think she's running out of steam. I tighten my embrace.

"Abandon me." Her voice cracks at the end and she thumps her fists onto my chest a last time but doesn't lift them, anymore.

I can’t really think of anything to say to her, so I try to keep it simple:

"No."

Asuka's angry expression suddenly shatters, she buries her face in my left shoulder and jerkingly, her arms lift until they lay around my neck; until she practically clings to me.

What do you do in such a situation? I don't know, so I hold her and lay my head against hers.

She is completely silent, though I soon realize that my shoulder is getting wet.

I cannot imagine what kinds of things that Angel made her go through, but it doesn't matter. She needs me and I'll be there for her.

As time goes on, her embrace slackens a little, but she never lets go, or lifts her face from my shoulder.

I don't know how long we are standing there, but some time later, Misato approaches us.

"Hey," she says; she sounds exhausted. "I'll drive you guys home."

I nod, and loosen my arms from around Asuka's waist. Immediately, her own arms around my neck tighten.

"Asuka?" I tilt my head a little, but all I catch is a tiny glimpse of one of her eyes. "Come on, let’s go home." An almost imperceptible shake of the head is my only answer.

"Asuka, wha--" I don't know what to say or do, but luckily, Misato comes to my aid. She stoops down, hooks her forearm behind Asuka's knees and sweeps her legs up, then simply lays her across my arms that I didn't retract when she suddenly vanished from them.

For such a strong girl, Asuka is surprisingly light, and beyond the initial stumble, I have no problems getting her to the car park and into Misato's Alpine.

It is an odd feeling sitting with a girl in your lap, but it's not unpleasant. And even if it were, there are surprisingly few things I wouldn't do for Asuka.

Somehow, I can't remember how, I carry her up to our apartment, and Misato opens the door for me.

"Will you be alright?" she asks. "I have to go back. They barely allowed me to bring you home as it is."

I smile what I hope is a reassuring smile. "We'll manage."

"Asuka." Misato gives her auburn hair a soft stroke. "Take a long relaxing shower and get some rest, okay? You'll see, tomorrow it'll all seem like a bad dream."

"Misato!" I say sharply, and she flinches. "What do you thi--!!" I stop short as I feel Asuka's arms around my neck give a short squeeze.

"I... I will," whispers Asuka from my arms. Gods, it’s frightening how small she sounds!

Misato gives a grim nod, steps outside and closes the door.

I guess I should apologize to her later.

"Don't you dare," come Asuka's barely audible words.

Did I say that out loud?

"Come on," I say, smiling down at her, "let's get that LCL off and then I'll cook you something."

I awkwardly slip out of my shoes and carry her into the washroom. There, I set her down on her feet.

"Okay. I’ll be in the kitchen. Just holler if you need someth--" Asuka's arms immediately tighten around my neck again.

"Asuka...," I start, "You need to get cleaned up."

"Don't go," she whispers.

I sigh. "Alright. I'll start the heater." She lets go of me and I start for the bathroom door. I halt though when I hear rustling, and turn around. "Asuka, what...?"

I barely manage to avert my gaze when her plugsuit falls from around her shoulders.

"Am I that ugly?"

"What!? _No!!_ " I look back at her, careful to only be looking at her face and realize that her eyes are averted to the ground.

"Then why won't you look at me?" She lifts her gaze to mine and I reel as if struck. Oh Gods, how can she look so hurt!?

"I," I look her deeply in the eyes, "Asuka, I think you're beautiful, but despite what you always say, I am _not_ a pervert. I-It's not that I don't want to look, I do; but...." The words leave me. I don't know what to say or do.

"Then please, Shinji," she pleads with me. "Please look at me."

"O-okay," I answer her.

I dip my gaze down to Asuka's chin, her collarbone... I can't do it! She will hit me, and--

As I look up again in panic, my eyes again lock on hers and the fragility that in no way resembles her floods me.

I clench my hands. Don't be an idiot; she's asking you to! I slowly drop my gaze again.

Her collarbone.

Her shoulders.

Her-her breasts. I feel myself go red.

The creamy skin right below her chest.

Her bellybutton.

Her p-pubic hair. I go even redder.

He-her v-vu-vul-... private parts.

Uh-oh.

Oh no oh no oh no! Please no!

I shuffle shamefully as my trousers suddenly feel too tight in certain parts, and quickly continue down Asuka's legs.

Wrong move. If anything, it makes my problem even more pronounced.

"A-Asuka, I'm sorry! I didn't mean--" I snap my eyes upwards and trail off as I see her smiling faintly.

"You don't find me ugly," she whispers, to which I can only nod dumbly.

She shoves a fist into her side. "You got to see mine, now show me yours," she says, cracking a brittle grin that should probably look cocky.

I almost sigh in relief, there’s the Asuka I know.

Still blushing furiously, I nod. "F-fair's fair, I guess."

Slowly and self-consciously, I remove first my shirt, then my trousers, and my socks.

I'm a little apprehensive when it's only the boxers left - you see, he's still standing at attention - but after a quick look at her, I finally pull them down, too.

"A-Asuka, I...." I don't really know what to say to her, so I simply endure her lingering gaze.

"L-let's shower," she mumbles and gently turns me around and pushes me towards the tub.

It’s cold at first as I’ve just started the heater, but it’s just what I needed to cool down.

As the water heats up, I quickly realize Asuka is at the edge of complete exhaustion when she drops her washcloth for the second time.

"Asuka?" I lay my hands on her shoulders and try to make eye contact; which is rather difficult, as she’s constantly blinking them, trying to stay awake.

She's only halfway clean, LCL is still in her hair, and I'm sure I can smell her sweat.

Don't you judge me!

"A-Asuka," I repeat softly. "Is it okay if I wash you?"

She only gives a faint nod, her eyes drooping all the heavier under the warm spray.

I cautiously, as gently as I can, soap her up and rinse her down, trying to ignore her small gasps as I wash her breasts and pubic area.

The washing done, it takes only minimal prodding to get her to step out of the tub onto the towel in front of it.

I take another towel and hold it open, wordlessly asking for permission, and again she only nods.

I wrap her hair into the towel and dry her down gently with another, then wrap it around her for warmth while I quickly dry myself.

As I towel her hair off, I contemplate if she'll want it blow-dried, but decide against it. She'll need food and then a bed quickly; she's about ready to collapse.

I brush her hair gingerly and suddenly realize she has no change of clothes. As do I, for that matter.

"Asuka, why don't you go dress and I'll cook you something?"

The reaction is immediate: Asuka whirls around, wraps her arms around my neck and buries her face in my shoulder again.

"Asuka, you need to eat something," I whisper to her, to which she only shakes her head. "Asuka, I still need clothes."

"Don't leave me."

"I won't leave," I say back to her. "I'll just be in the kitchen."

"Don't leave me," she repeats a little more forcefully.

I sigh. "Alright, I'll stay."

Slowly, I disentangle her arms from around my neck - trying not to look down - and walk over to the hamper.

I fish some tracksuit trousers from it - I've only worn them once yet, anyway - and don them.

"Come on, let's get you to bed," I say and lay a hand on her back, guiding her to her room.

Once there, she simply lets the towel drop to the floor as she climbs into bed. I blush again.

"G-good night, Asuka." I turn around to leave.

"Stay...."

I turn around. "Asuka?" I'm not sure I heard that right.

She looks up at me, her gaze openly pleading. "Stay... please?"

That's totally unfair! How can I say no to that?

I turn back to her bedside and nod solemnly. "Alright, Asuka. Just let me get a blanke-" I trail off as she shakes her head.

"Hold me?"

Today is getting weirder still.

"...Okay." I awkwardly crawl into the bed and close to her. She faces me and I swallow; she is still stark naked.

"Hold me," she repeats, almost in a normal volume this time.

I tentatively lay my arms around her, holding her awkwardly at arm's length.

This doesn't seem to sit well with Asuka, as she shimmies closer until she's pressed into me.

Gods, it's a wonder I'm still conscious!

I tighten my arms around her and ask, "Better?" to which she only nods.

"Shinji, I...." Asuka trails off.

I look down and catch her eye. "What is it?"

"...Thank you."

"Anytime." I smile, and she answers it weakly.

On impulse - I don't know what possessed me - I dart forward and kiss her forehead. "Goodnight, Asuka."

Her smile grows and I feel as if the sun has risen.

"Goodnight, Shinji."

**Author's Note:**

> This story was born both from the desire to see another point of divergence other than the kiss scene, and the fact that the immediate aftermath of Ariel's attack is often called Shinji's last possible turning point before Third Impact.
> 
> Aside from the fact that I barely have time for my ongoing stories, another variable for this remaining a oneshot is that the very next thing that would happen in my (expert [/sarcasm]) opinion is Asuka either sleeping with Shinji (as in dominant partner) or - far likelier I think - nudging him into sleeping with her (as in submissive partner); and I have no desire to go even farther into territory I have no idea how to write it. I'm not sure I could do justice to Shinji freaking out over Asuka being so passive and practically giving herself to him.
> 
> 2017-01-03: Formatting corrections for conversion of ODT content to RTF.


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